Where have I been? Reclaiming my life!

A break professionally means you need to come back to work as if you'd never been gone.  Am I right?!  But a long break like mine?  Wouldn't that be a kiss of death, especially for an author?

NOPE!

I've been on a journey to find myself once again.  After an incident in my personal life that was eerily similar to walking through the fires of Mordor, surrounded by Orcs even!, I re-emerged.  I survived the fires, and walked out with maybe a little ash on me, perhaps a few spots where my clothes had been burned, but otherwise... I'd made it.  I'd survived.  Holy shit, I'd made it!!

Want to know what I discovered?  I'm stronger than I thought.  My life started coming together so beautifully once I was out of a situation I shouldn't have been in from the start.  I couldn't get over how every single thing just fell into place, as if the puzzle I'd been trying to put back together for years without a box top suddenly made sense.  I started to smile.  I started to laugh more heartily.  I started to feel strong.  I started to be able to exercise my own mind and choices.  I even finally felt LOVED.

I became the mother I'd always wanted to be.  Setting an example, lavishing love on my children unhindered by anything or anyone.  I got to watch my children become happy again, just as children should be...

I got to be the daughter I always wanted to be with my amazing Mom and Dad whom I hadn't seen or spoken to since 2009.  These two courageously fought along my side and you know what?  They were right all along.  Life lesson # 378 - which should probably be #1 but I know how ya'll roll - if your parents have a bad feeling about someone or something, LISTEN TO THEM.  I couldn't have made it without these two this past year...

I got to become best friends with my siblings again, my first friends and the best people in the world whom I love and admire most! (#SwedishMafia! NOBODY messes with the Kastengren's!)  I also hadn't been able to see or talk to most of them from the early 2000's and on...

I lost some friends, only to realize they weren't true friends in the first place.  They'd rather have blinders on and ignore some serious realities, instead of standing up for justice and what was right.  Then, the floodgates opened up and the best group of friends who became like family came into my life.  Friends who constantly made sure I was safe, who took the stand for me, who stood up for me and my rights as a woman, mother, and a human being.  These people helped me become the empowered woman I am today...

I got heavily involved with martial arts, so nothing would ever happen to me again and I would know how to defend myself.  What I didn't realize I'd learn was confidence, integrity, respect, and that I could work out my fears surrounded by people in the dojo who truly loved me and wanted me healed.  Yet again, I got to set an example for my kids on how to be strong and empowered...

I realized how powerful I felt being strong, so I continued to push myself and reach some goals that I'd had for a loooong time, like my first Tough Mudder, pushing myself physically, working as the ONLY female security officer for a local event center, and my beautiful ink I got done by my favorite tattoo artist...

The liberty bell was ringing so loudly by this point, I had to spread the message of being an empowered, strong, independent woman to others.  I was given that very opportunity with a special group of young students whom I taught at the local college...

I re-discovered my love of music, and actually got to go places to listen to it...

Same with sports like Cyclone men's basketball and traveling...

I learned that religion could be a tool to manipulate and spiritually abuse people, especially when its followers are disenfranchised.  I discovered how good life is when you discover that religion isn't supposed to be another system of control.  I re-discovered what I'd always known yet what wasn't permitted to speak, and that is people are people and deserve to be loved no matter the religion, and that no one can force their religion on you.  You have to decide for yourself what your own moral compass guides you to and in the meantime, for goodness sakes, be respectful and spread love, not hate or control...

I moved to a bigger city, which has been refreshing!

Finally, something beyond amazing happened.  I met someone, someone that although his arrival in my life was new, he'd been there all along.  His life paralleled mine in crazy ways - the same things happened to each of us within a month of each other all throughout our lives. (WHAT?!  I know - but it's true!)  He loved with his whole heart, he knew how to treat a woman, he'd always wanted kids and was immediately an amazing and involved father, and cherished me as a single mother AND my kids - who'd heard of that before?  Especially when I was bringing FOUR kids in to the picture?!  I'd finally found my soulmate, my other half, the man who is exactly me but in a man's body.  The man I'm privileged and honored to call my life partner.  I've never known love like what Branden bestows upon me, I've never known freedom, safety and trust in life the way Branden gives me.  This man was the last gift of healing salve onto not just my own heart, but that of my children's. We are happier than we've ever EVER been before!  Moreover, I got to watch him blossom into becoming a father just like they were his own...

Then that amazing man of mine decided he couldn't live one more day without me, so THIS HAPPENED!!!  He had all the kids behind him as he knelt on one knee and asked me to be his wife forever...

He is my hero <3  AND he gives sweet undercuts...

SO!  That's been my year.  My year of rediscovering myself, falling in love with myself, being an empowered, strong, independent woman who loves life, loves her kids, and loves her man.  Holy shit, what a year!

And I'm so glad to be back!!!