Why I Wear A Safety Pin

On Veteran’s Day, just a couple days ago, I listened in shock as I heard someone tell my husband he/she’d wished my husband had died in his military service.  Branden, a veteran of the United States Air Force, having received ten medals and ribbons and the ranking of Staff Sergeant, having been deployed and sacrificed his youth to serve our beloved country, was told by a bitter person full of hatred that instead of coming back home to his family, he should have died while he served abroad.

Have I mentioned this person is a church-going, white Christian?  Shocking, isn’t it?  Not who you expected me to say, right?

Unfortunately, not really.  Everyone is caught in the vise of antagonism, it seems.  In this past year, and even more fervently felt in the days following the election, I've seen too much animosity and division.  It utterly rends my heart.  Those readers who've been with me for some time know I advocated in 2013 against human trafficking (my book WATCHMEN FOR MORNING), and in 2014 for global orphan care and children's righs (my book FOLDED).  It's time I throw myself in the campaign for equality as well.  

Above political party, above religion, above those who use their positions of power to bully, harass, beat down and disenfranchise others, should be LOVE.  Want to inspire change and were disappointed by the election?  Love one another.  Want to live out the gospel you preach or the mantra you pray/chant?  Love one another, even those different than you. Want to show that you can be a decent human being even to those who have a different sexual orientation than you?  Love one another. 

We have to stop mistreating our veterans and police officers.  We have to stop mistreating women.  We have to stop turning a blind eye to those around us suffering.  We have to stop mistreating anyone of a different skin color.  We have to stop mistreating people just because their religion, political views, or stance on abortion is different than ours.  The surest way to show me and, I can safely guess, millions of other logically-minded adults that you are truly spiritual, religious and/or trying to be a good person is by showing LOVE, not spewing hate. It’s disgusting and I refuse to be a part of it.  I refuse to raise my children with the mindset of hate. 

I wear the safety pin not to hop on some bandwagon and not to claim one political party over the other.  I'm actually an Independent anyway, because I like doing research and using my brain when it comes to the issues that so ferociously divide our nation today.  As Henry David Thoreau stated: "The fate of the country does not depend on how you vote at the polls — the worst man is as strong as the best at that game; it does not depend on what kind of paper you drop into the ballot-box once a year, but on what kind of man you drop from your chamber into the street every morning."

I wear it because I know what it feels like to be bullied, to be harassed, to be abused, to be made to feel as though because I was a woman I was inherently inferior.  I know what it feels like, and so I choose today love.  I choose to be a decent human being to whomever I cross paths.  I’ve seen enough hate, addiction, and sickness to last a lifetime, and I’m done with it.  I choose love. I want my children to choose love.  I want those I work with and teach to choose love.  As an author with a unique ability and privledge to reach out to people from all over the world, I want my readers to see that I choose love.  So, I beseech you to choose love today, too.

In all honestly, here's the reality: if we want to make a difference in people's lives, it's more than just checking a box on a ballot. If we truly want change and to make a difference, we need to step into people's lives, walk beside them, share in their lives' stories. So if we claim to care about abortion, then what are we doing to support unwed mothers? To fight the orphan crisis? To volunteer at a pregnancy crisis center? If we care about education reform, then what are doing to tutor kids after school and support our local teachers? To help children with challenges succeed? If we claim to care about military strategies, what are we doing to stand beside the families whose loved ones are away at war? To support soldiers suffering from PTSD? To honor those who have served? To make sure no veteran comes home and becomes homeless? If we claim to care about welfare regulation, what are we doing to walk beside families needing special assistance? To better government housing? To help people earn good jobs? If we claim to care about the refugee crisis, what are we doing to partner with these vulnerable communities? To learn another language and culture? To help them integrate into our society? A REAL CHANGE in our country comes on an individual, person-to-person level. THAT is where we will make the biggest impact and change our society... one person at a time.  And until that happens, I am here.  With my safety pin.

I will be a safe person for you, whoever you are.  #safetypin

Where have I been? Reclaiming my life!

A break professionally means you need to come back to work as if you'd never been gone.  Am I right?!  But a long break like mine?  Wouldn't that be a kiss of death, especially for an author?

NOPE!

I've been on a journey to find myself once again.  After an incident in my personal life that was eerily similar to walking through the fires of Mordor, surrounded by Orcs even!, I re-emerged.  I survived the fires, and walked out with maybe a little ash on me, perhaps a few spots where my clothes had been burned, but otherwise... I'd made it.  I'd survived.  Holy shit, I'd made it!!

Want to know what I discovered?  I'm stronger than I thought.  My life started coming together so beautifully once I was out of a situation I shouldn't have been in from the start.  I couldn't get over how every single thing just fell into place, as if the puzzle I'd been trying to put back together for years without a box top suddenly made sense.  I started to smile.  I started to laugh more heartily.  I started to feel strong.  I started to be able to exercise my own mind and choices.  I even finally felt LOVED.

I became the mother I'd always wanted to be.  Setting an example, lavishing love on my children unhindered by anything or anyone.  I got to watch my children become happy again, just as children should be...

I got to be the daughter I always wanted to be with my amazing Mom and Dad whom I hadn't seen or spoken to since 2009.  These two courageously fought along my side and you know what?  They were right all along.  Life lesson # 378 - which should probably be #1 but I know how ya'll roll - if your parents have a bad feeling about someone or something, LISTEN TO THEM.  I couldn't have made it without these two this past year...

I got to become best friends with my siblings again, my first friends and the best people in the world whom I love and admire most! (#SwedishMafia! NOBODY messes with the Kastengren's!)  I also hadn't been able to see or talk to most of them from the early 2000's and on...

I lost some friends, only to realize they weren't true friends in the first place.  They'd rather have blinders on and ignore some serious realities, instead of standing up for justice and what was right.  Then, the floodgates opened up and the best group of friends who became like family came into my life.  Friends who constantly made sure I was safe, who took the stand for me, who stood up for me and my rights as a woman, mother, and a human being.  These people helped me become the empowered woman I am today...

I got heavily involved with martial arts, so nothing would ever happen to me again and I would know how to defend myself.  What I didn't realize I'd learn was confidence, integrity, respect, and that I could work out my fears surrounded by people in the dojo who truly loved me and wanted me healed.  Yet again, I got to set an example for my kids on how to be strong and empowered...

I realized how powerful I felt being strong, so I continued to push myself and reach some goals that I'd had for a loooong time, like my first Tough Mudder, pushing myself physically, working as the ONLY female security officer for a local event center, and my beautiful ink I got done by my favorite tattoo artist...

The liberty bell was ringing so loudly by this point, I had to spread the message of being an empowered, strong, independent woman to others.  I was given that very opportunity with a special group of young students whom I taught at the local college...

I re-discovered my love of music, and actually got to go places to listen to it...

Same with sports like Cyclone men's basketball and traveling...

I learned that religion could be a tool to manipulate and spiritually abuse people, especially when its followers are disenfranchised.  I discovered how good life is when you discover that religion isn't supposed to be another system of control.  I re-discovered what I'd always known yet what wasn't permitted to speak, and that is people are people and deserve to be loved no matter the religion, and that no one can force their religion on you.  You have to decide for yourself what your own moral compass guides you to and in the meantime, for goodness sakes, be respectful and spread love, not hate or control...

I moved to a bigger city, which has been refreshing!

Finally, something beyond amazing happened.  I met someone, someone that although his arrival in my life was new, he'd been there all along.  His life paralleled mine in crazy ways - the same things happened to each of us within a month of each other all throughout our lives. (WHAT?!  I know - but it's true!)  He loved with his whole heart, he knew how to treat a woman, he'd always wanted kids and was immediately an amazing and involved father, and cherished me as a single mother AND my kids - who'd heard of that before?  Especially when I was bringing FOUR kids in to the picture?!  I'd finally found my soulmate, my other half, the man who is exactly me but in a man's body.  The man I'm privileged and honored to call my life partner.  I've never known love like what Branden bestows upon me, I've never known freedom, safety and trust in life the way Branden gives me.  This man was the last gift of healing salve onto not just my own heart, but that of my children's. We are happier than we've ever EVER been before!  Moreover, I got to watch him blossom into becoming a father just like they were his own...

Then that amazing man of mine decided he couldn't live one more day without me, so THIS HAPPENED!!!  He had all the kids behind him as he knelt on one knee and asked me to be his wife forever...

He is my hero <3  AND he gives sweet undercuts...

SO!  That's been my year.  My year of rediscovering myself, falling in love with myself, being an empowered, strong, independent woman who loves life, loves her kids, and loves her man.  Holy shit, what a year!

And I'm so glad to be back!!!